Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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