If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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