I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
