So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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