i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
