just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
