I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
4 words: hood of his car
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
