I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
