pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
