apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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