I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How external is "for external use only"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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