Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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