My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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