Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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