they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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