3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
