last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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