Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
