oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
