do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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