his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
