so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
