I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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