yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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