You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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