he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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