in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
