carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
