Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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