Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
