Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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