I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
