i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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