Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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