Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
