I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
