hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
