i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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