Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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