I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who died my cat blue again?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
