Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
