Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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