I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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