what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
