Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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