I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
