When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
