he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
