i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
