i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
